23/04/2012

melancory

Untitled i don't know this word is right to describe my feeling but i kinda feel melancholy thesedays when i stay awake quite late. and suddenly feel sad, confuse and think about the world sillily. yet i have to wake up quite early...for work. *sigh* i can just stay awake all night but i bet my body won't be able to handle it which might effect my job in a bad way. anyway i felt exactly the same things when i stayed a hotel in sweden. and took of this photo. i remember that it was ridiculously hot day and felt sick so didnt really see much in stockholm. i wish i could go back that time, i can change it. i would see more. but at that time i felt really alone, had just left england, my lovely friends, boyfriend and travel also travel alone in europe. anyway i had a nice time there so thats fine. i just wanted to say this blurred photo has lots of my memory. good memory bad memory everything.
anyways i hate when i can't sleep when i want to sleep. do you know what i mean? like you have lots things to do next day or need to wake up early and you just cannot sleep. your brain is keep thinking about the next day or different thing. i wish i have a switch like a robot. just turn my body off when i want to sleep and turn on when i want to wake up. or set alarm on your body. oh my god...this is quite good idea isnt it? sounds bit creepy though. think about it, the switch would save your life maybe because it would be like an electric battery and it also can save/waste your power...and blah blah blah, uuh actually i can use this story in my zine i was thinking to make another zine so might better to save this weird creepy story until then. good idea annie.
メランコリーって表現が合ってるのかはわからないけど結構よる遅くまで起きてるといろんなこと考えるよね。そしてふとさびしくなったり。ばかみたく世界について考えたり。仕事で朝がはやいってときとかも。みんな一緒かなこれは。んでこの写真はストックホルムのエアコンのない安い部屋で全く今と同じ気持ちのまま撮った写真なんだけどさ。このときにもどってもっと観光してたいけど、実際このときはしんどくて暑くて、早く日本に帰りたいってのもあって、イギリスはなれて寂しいってきもちもあって、いろんな感情がそのときにはあったから、写真みるたんびにたくさん感情がでてくるんだよね。ぶれてるけど結構私にとっては大切な一枚だし、ストックホルムでは本当に写真をとらなかったから貴重なの。 まあともかく、寝たいときに寝れないって本当いやだよね。考えれば考えるほど寝れなくなるの。たとえば明日やることたくさんあったりするのに、そのことを考えちゃったり、いろいろ。だから体にスイッチがあったらいいのになんて思ったけど、オフとオンが簡単にできて、でもそれをシリアスに考えるととてもクリーピーだよね。・・・んでこの話なんだか面白い話になりそうだから次のzineまでにとっておこうかな。きっと同じこと言ってるかも。数日前から作り始めようとして何かけばいいかわからなかったから。きっともしあなたが私の次のzineを手にしたらこの日記と全く同じことがかかれてるかもしれないよ。書いてるとうかんでくるんだよねー。

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